Just another day on the job.

DAY 1:

It had all gone so well, only to fall apart now.

As I ran through these broken roads, I knew it was over for me.

A dead end, I figured as much.

They're behind me now, I black out.

Hours passed, I'm strapped to a fucking jet, I glance to my left.

They're trapped here too. Great, now I have to get myself out of this as well as a bunch of rookies?

With my edginess alone, I cut myself free of my bondage, and action roll towards a watchtower.

I quietly ascend the ladder, and "take care" of the snipers on the tower.

I take his rifle, he won't be needing it anymore. I shoot the biggest most important guy I see first.

A perfect shot, he goes down, things become chaotic fast.

I leap off the watchtower and land on some unsuspecting soldier who softened the fall, the guy next to him wasn't expecting a knife to the throat.

In the commotion, I cut the other captives free, and I make for the exit.

A knife was thrown at me, missing me by just inches, without thinking, I tear it from the wall and throw it back, he goes down.

I make my escape.

DAY 2:

Everything's going according to plan, except now I'm Shinji Ikari.

I can't complain.

BUT THERE'S NO GAY PIANO SCENE HERE, SON. (But we did get to hold hands a little.)

Bomb defusal, that was our job for today, easy enough.

Whoever we're fighting are fucking amateurs, just put the thing in the middle of a room.

It's taken care of in minutes, but we hear an explosion.

Was this bomb just a decoy?

We head outside, they're attacking us again.

We're only in schoolboy outfits, so we get the fuck out of there.

DAY 3:

Today I'm just trying to relax a little in an ice cream store, some twelve year old knows who I am and reprimands me for my less than stellar performance yesterday.

He doesn't understand what it's like in the corps, he doesn't have a distractingly attractive anime boyfriend.

Suddenly, I hear people panicking, I look outside, there's a flood.

We're trapped here in an ice cream store.

Yeah sure, whatever.

DAY 4:

Now we're trolling, but I'm not talking about shitposting on the internet. I'm my Homestuck original character, and I'm exploring a dungeon with my other fellow fucking nerds.

Everything's going alright, but shit's spooky so I panic and die.

But my character turns into a ghost and will revive in like two minutes.

I'm balanced, okay?

DAY 5: 

Another day just trying to unwind, I go onto YouTube and watch a video on how some guy modded Ratchet and Clank.

Using his coding prowess, he's made Ratchet fat.

"Incredible," I mutter under my breath. The YouTube commenters aren't as impressed.

One of them points out that Ratchet becomes fat in a scene from the third game and that this modder is lying through his teeth.

"Nerds," I think to myself, and close Google Chrome.

What better way to unwind from the horrors from war than to simulate those horrors of war? I boot up Blacklight: Retribution.

Now I know something's up, because that game is deader than Elvis.

Regardless, I play.

In minutes I'm top of the leaderboard, my kills exceed hundreds (mostly because of proximity mines that I'm putting fucking everywhere.) My nephew is envious of my skills.

But then, I get a message on Steam, who is it?

It's my best friend.

But I don't answer him immediately, this is all wrong.

And just like that, I'm pulled back into the world of the living.










DID I MENTION THIS WAS ALL A FUCKING DREAM BECAUSE YEAH THAT HAPPENED

Ryan Takanashi: The Movie: The Comic 3: Autism Rising

RYAN TAKANASHI: THE MOVIE: THE COMIC 3: AUTISM RISING: THE TEASER TRAILER

GET HYPE

D R E A M B O Y S

No I still don't have anything worthwhile to say and yes this is another dream post.

Also I don't know if you've noticed but I have a new blog name (and by extension new url) which means if you're still searching the old url it will appear as if this blog disappeared without a trace (if only it did.) If that ever happens again remember that you can always just search 'Ryan Takanashi' on Google and it will take you straight here.

But most people probably think I deleted this blog out of shame (And I should) so I've probably lost half of my readers. But since half of zero is still zero we should be fine.

But whatever, IT IS TIME FOR DREAMS NOW (Also this one is kind of short so to make up for it I have  MASTERFULLY ILLUSTRATED said dreams)


We start off nice and easy with me being in a black and white arena fending off zombified League of Legends characters while said arena slowly fills up with water. Like I said nice and easy motherfucker HOW BOUT THAT?

Zed's dead, baby.

And some other shit happens after that, but I honestly don't remember any of it. I think it involved drowning, though.

But sadly, our story doesn't end here. We just sort of skip ahead to me navigating a maze made of flesh, pretty metal as fuck, right? Did I mention this wasn't a nightmare at all? Like I was totally comfortable with the circumstances thrust upon me? Yeah, that's interesting.

But upon entering the centre of this maze, I was greeted by a giant mouth that- And I'm not fucking with you here- believed he was Tony Hawk in a past life.

Get a load of this guy.

Of all things, Tony fuckin' Hawk? Seriously?

But eventually he managed to convince me to get his original body back. And he suggested I start looking in...

A supermarket.

If you had to go looking for Tony Hawk, NATURALLY you had to check a supermarket first.

So off I went, complete with a nifty montage of me searching for Tony Hawk. It was hilarious, you really should have been there.

But I couldn't find him. Disappointed, I leave the supermarket, and the dream ends with a young boy growling at me, getting increasingly louder until he's practically screaming at me.

FUCKIN NORMIE. REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

But, my faithful readers (all zero of them) I have thrown you for a loop YET AGAIN. For I had YET ANOTHER DREAM. This ends our tour of the ruse cruise and we continue with our regularly scheduled program.

It starts in a forest, and I'm just kinda running around and generally dicking about, but then I come across some familiar faces...

It's none other than Van Hohenheim and Alphonse Elric from Fullmetal Alchemist!

You have every right to be envious of my mad art skills

From what I can understand out of our conversation, we're about 75% through the FMA:B anime with only Hohenheim and I knowing how their adventure is going to end. With this knowledge, he and I continuously make jokes about future events as Alphonse stares at us with a confused expression.

"Yeah, I guess you could say the whole city is going to be involved in this final fight of yours." I say.

I then get a fucking high-five from Hohenheim.

Then we watch kids play football and everyone lived happily ever after.

Gee willikers aren't these dreams great.

I don't know what to do with this blog anymore, the only barely substantial content it ever had was me complaining that Lucas wasn't in the new Smash. Now with Lucas in the new Smash what the fuck is left? I could just make this a dream blog but it will never be as good as Thomas' one.

Ignoring that, let's move on to a dream!

This exciting new addition to our always magical journeys begins with me in some backwards hillbilly town in some marsh, hooray.

But it gets a little more exciting than that. I'm a secret agent doing some straight up spy shit!

I was dressed up a little something like this. God, do I miss old Splinter Cell

WOAHHHHH RIGHT?

I forget what exactly I was doing there, though. I was too busy fucking around with my nightvision goggles. But there were hints of some Call of Cthulhu shit going around where I'd see some weird frog looking people doing weird cult things. Like tax evasion.

But while I was snooping around in someone's house, some motherfuckers catch me. So I do the only thing that makes sense to me at the time. Pull some Shadow Clone Jutsu shit and phase through a wall.

Yeahhhh.

I escape into the sewers and no one really bothered to follow me in. Maybe they just got bored or weren't willing to stoop to that level.

During my improvised exfiltration however, I come across a lovely bunch of...

Skeletons.

At first, they appear lifeless, but as I draw closer they all stand up and greet me.

After a lovely conversation, they anoint me KING OF THE SKELETONS. They hand me a crown and dress me in the finest bone regalia as one of them speaks. "You know what you must do now. You must preach the word of the dead, and exterminate the fuckboys."

I nod slowly. "I shall, for the kingdom of bones!"

I looked a little something like this, except I was not actually a skeleton.

They cheer me on as I leave the sewers and enter the world unknown.

And then I see my dad filling up the gas for his car.

"Come on Brandon we have to go to this video game thing."

"NO FATHER, I AM THE MAD KING OF THE SKELETON PEOPLE NOW, I MUST SLAY THE FUCKBOYS"

"Just get in the car."

So turns out we're going to some videogame/anime expo thing for whatever reason? I'm fine with this because there will probably be plenty of fuckboys to kill.

When we're there, everyone seems to admire my 'Skeleton King cosplay' and no one seems to believe me when I insist my armour was made out of real bone. Still, my bone shake was bringing all the boys to the yard.

But then something seems off, and it feels like the same 10 minutes of this dream has been repeated over and over again. And it was at that moment that a portly woman named Brenda hops through a time portal and explains the situation.

Like this but with a few more pounds.

Apparently she kinda messed up all of time by travelling to the far future to prevent some great event that fucked everything up for everyone. And that only I am self aware enough to help her.

"Sure, whatever." I say, not seeming to care that the fate of the entire world now rests on my shoulders.

She takes me with her through the time portal and I am met with the sight of this island that got all kinds of fucked up. I'm talking the fucking armageddon here.

There was a lot more explosions than seen here.

Meteor showers, dinosaurs running amok, lava everywhere, it wasn't pretty. Brenda is working away on a computer and hesitantly mentions that she has no idea to fix any of this. I tell her to stand the fuck back as I type a bunch of smiley faces onto the computer which fixes everything.

"Oh my fuck how did you do that?" She asks.

"I have no idea." I proudly reply.

Then we see the fruits of our labour as the island is returned to a much nicer state, there are even kids riding cute dinosaurs. "I would like to ride a dinosaur" I say. I then get to ride a dinosaur.

Now something interesting to note here, in a lot of my dreams I see nearly the exact same beach, I don't think I've ever seen this in real life, much less do I understand the significance of it. But all the same I've tried to recreate it in a drawing everytime I see it. (Let's just bear in mind this was hastily made on memory alone and I am by no stretch of the imagination an artist.)

This looks confusing as all hell but these are three different sketches put together, one on the top left, one on the top right, and one large one at the bottom.

What tends to stick with me is the odd rock formation in the water that forms as a natural kiddy pool that has probably never killed anyone and the little island in the distance which I've visited but don't remember much aside from a little house. 

The drawing on the top left was the first time I saw it, the one on the top right was the second time I saw it (and a bit behind it.) And the larger one on the bottom was a bit further left of the beach (it was also very rainy)

I've kind of gone off topic here but I always liked the strange little continuity my dreams sometimes have. Speaking of which, this was what the same beach looked like in last night's dream.

I know the perspective is really wonky but I told you I'm no artist.

Apparently this was before anyone really touched the island (those dark patches are jungles by the way.)

But yes, moving swiftly along. Brenda fucked something up for the trip home and sent me into the future where I was long dead, had become a ghost. And fucked with anyone that came by my haunted house.

My ghost adventures were like this, but a lot more ghostly.

But then these kids show up to my front door, about four of them, peddling that "I don't believe in ghosts" bullshit. Well I was about to prove them wrong.

One of the kids looked exactly like this. Which is pretty interesting given that last image.

Now I was oddly persistent on being as dramatic as possible when it came to scaring these kids (which I'm honestly not very surprised about) and despite being incorporeal I refused the whole floating through walls thing. But even when I was about to crawl through a ventilation system I backed out of fear.

That's right folks, ghosts can be afraid too.

These things fucked me up so much that by the time Brenda came to take me out of this timeline I had accomplished nothing.

She takes me back to where I was before I saved all existence, the video game/anime expo. It was quite a sudden transition but I never really questioned it. I was just sort of looking around, admiring all the cool shit I was seeing when something on a tv screen caught my eye.

It was a motherfucking Mother 3 anime.

ore wa ochinchin ga daisuki nadayo

Holy fuck.

I just stared at the screen, it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw.

"I MUST OWN THE ENTIRE DVD COLLECTION" I exclaimed, and rushed off to EB Games because it made sense to me at the time.

When I got there every goddamn TV in the room was screening it.

"I POLITELY DEMAND THE ENTIRE MOTHER 3 ANIME" 

The guy behind the counter says they don't have it yet.

"FFFFFFUCK."

Well, while I was here I figured I'd buy a game or two.

"Fine then, give me Dark Souls."

"Oh, that's a pretty fun game..."

The entire store hushes and watches him.

"...But too easy for my liking."

Everyone laughs uncontrollably.

"Yeah sure whatever, just gimme."

I throw money at him.

"No, you're kind of a filthy casual."

Everyone bursts into laughter again and more employees gather around me menacingly.

Furious that I have been denied two things I wanted (and called a filthy casual), I demand to fight all the employees.

"Just by yourself?" One employee asks.

"No, a tag team wrestling match, you and your loser friends against me...

...and my dad."

My dad walks in and strikes an incredibly manly pose that threatens the employees

He looked a little like this IMPORTANT NOTE: My dad is not Braum.

"STAND BEHIND ME." My dad says as he takes on the first challenger. He fights well, but the man's knocking on 50 and these are some hip young 20 year olds so naturally he's struggling a little. He tags me in, and in my furious state of bloodlust I immediately leap onto the employee, break his neck. And I start ripping out his organs and tearing out his hair.

I woke up after that.

Skeletons: 1 Fuckboys: 0