Gee willikers aren't these dreams great.

I don't know what to do with this blog anymore, the only barely substantial content it ever had was me complaining that Lucas wasn't in the new Smash. Now with Lucas in the new Smash what the fuck is left? I could just make this a dream blog but it will never be as good as Thomas' one.

Ignoring that, let's move on to a dream!

This exciting new addition to our always magical journeys begins with me in some backwards hillbilly town in some marsh, hooray.

But it gets a little more exciting than that. I'm a secret agent doing some straight up spy shit!

I was dressed up a little something like this. God, do I miss old Splinter Cell

WOAHHHHH RIGHT?

I forget what exactly I was doing there, though. I was too busy fucking around with my nightvision goggles. But there were hints of some Call of Cthulhu shit going around where I'd see some weird frog looking people doing weird cult things. Like tax evasion.

But while I was snooping around in someone's house, some motherfuckers catch me. So I do the only thing that makes sense to me at the time. Pull some Shadow Clone Jutsu shit and phase through a wall.

Yeahhhh.

I escape into the sewers and no one really bothered to follow me in. Maybe they just got bored or weren't willing to stoop to that level.

During my improvised exfiltration however, I come across a lovely bunch of...

Skeletons.

At first, they appear lifeless, but as I draw closer they all stand up and greet me.

After a lovely conversation, they anoint me KING OF THE SKELETONS. They hand me a crown and dress me in the finest bone regalia as one of them speaks. "You know what you must do now. You must preach the word of the dead, and exterminate the fuckboys."

I nod slowly. "I shall, for the kingdom of bones!"

I looked a little something like this, except I was not actually a skeleton.

They cheer me on as I leave the sewers and enter the world unknown.

And then I see my dad filling up the gas for his car.

"Come on Brandon we have to go to this video game thing."

"NO FATHER, I AM THE MAD KING OF THE SKELETON PEOPLE NOW, I MUST SLAY THE FUCKBOYS"

"Just get in the car."

So turns out we're going to some videogame/anime expo thing for whatever reason? I'm fine with this because there will probably be plenty of fuckboys to kill.

When we're there, everyone seems to admire my 'Skeleton King cosplay' and no one seems to believe me when I insist my armour was made out of real bone. Still, my bone shake was bringing all the boys to the yard.

But then something seems off, and it feels like the same 10 minutes of this dream has been repeated over and over again. And it was at that moment that a portly woman named Brenda hops through a time portal and explains the situation.

Like this but with a few more pounds.

Apparently she kinda messed up all of time by travelling to the far future to prevent some great event that fucked everything up for everyone. And that only I am self aware enough to help her.

"Sure, whatever." I say, not seeming to care that the fate of the entire world now rests on my shoulders.

She takes me with her through the time portal and I am met with the sight of this island that got all kinds of fucked up. I'm talking the fucking armageddon here.

There was a lot more explosions than seen here.

Meteor showers, dinosaurs running amok, lava everywhere, it wasn't pretty. Brenda is working away on a computer and hesitantly mentions that she has no idea to fix any of this. I tell her to stand the fuck back as I type a bunch of smiley faces onto the computer which fixes everything.

"Oh my fuck how did you do that?" She asks.

"I have no idea." I proudly reply.

Then we see the fruits of our labour as the island is returned to a much nicer state, there are even kids riding cute dinosaurs. "I would like to ride a dinosaur" I say. I then get to ride a dinosaur.

Now something interesting to note here, in a lot of my dreams I see nearly the exact same beach, I don't think I've ever seen this in real life, much less do I understand the significance of it. But all the same I've tried to recreate it in a drawing everytime I see it. (Let's just bear in mind this was hastily made on memory alone and I am by no stretch of the imagination an artist.)

This looks confusing as all hell but these are three different sketches put together, one on the top left, one on the top right, and one large one at the bottom.

What tends to stick with me is the odd rock formation in the water that forms as a natural kiddy pool that has probably never killed anyone and the little island in the distance which I've visited but don't remember much aside from a little house. 

The drawing on the top left was the first time I saw it, the one on the top right was the second time I saw it (and a bit behind it.) And the larger one on the bottom was a bit further left of the beach (it was also very rainy)

I've kind of gone off topic here but I always liked the strange little continuity my dreams sometimes have. Speaking of which, this was what the same beach looked like in last night's dream.

I know the perspective is really wonky but I told you I'm no artist.

Apparently this was before anyone really touched the island (those dark patches are jungles by the way.)

But yes, moving swiftly along. Brenda fucked something up for the trip home and sent me into the future where I was long dead, had become a ghost. And fucked with anyone that came by my haunted house.

My ghost adventures were like this, but a lot more ghostly.

But then these kids show up to my front door, about four of them, peddling that "I don't believe in ghosts" bullshit. Well I was about to prove them wrong.

One of the kids looked exactly like this. Which is pretty interesting given that last image.

Now I was oddly persistent on being as dramatic as possible when it came to scaring these kids (which I'm honestly not very surprised about) and despite being incorporeal I refused the whole floating through walls thing. But even when I was about to crawl through a ventilation system I backed out of fear.

That's right folks, ghosts can be afraid too.

These things fucked me up so much that by the time Brenda came to take me out of this timeline I had accomplished nothing.

She takes me back to where I was before I saved all existence, the video game/anime expo. It was quite a sudden transition but I never really questioned it. I was just sort of looking around, admiring all the cool shit I was seeing when something on a tv screen caught my eye.

It was a motherfucking Mother 3 anime.

ore wa ochinchin ga daisuki nadayo

Holy fuck.

I just stared at the screen, it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw.

"I MUST OWN THE ENTIRE DVD COLLECTION" I exclaimed, and rushed off to EB Games because it made sense to me at the time.

When I got there every goddamn TV in the room was screening it.

"I POLITELY DEMAND THE ENTIRE MOTHER 3 ANIME" 

The guy behind the counter says they don't have it yet.

"FFFFFFUCK."

Well, while I was here I figured I'd buy a game or two.

"Fine then, give me Dark Souls."

"Oh, that's a pretty fun game..."

The entire store hushes and watches him.

"...But too easy for my liking."

Everyone laughs uncontrollably.

"Yeah sure whatever, just gimme."

I throw money at him.

"No, you're kind of a filthy casual."

Everyone bursts into laughter again and more employees gather around me menacingly.

Furious that I have been denied two things I wanted (and called a filthy casual), I demand to fight all the employees.

"Just by yourself?" One employee asks.

"No, a tag team wrestling match, you and your loser friends against me...

...and my dad."

My dad walks in and strikes an incredibly manly pose that threatens the employees

He looked a little like this IMPORTANT NOTE: My dad is not Braum.

"STAND BEHIND ME." My dad says as he takes on the first challenger. He fights well, but the man's knocking on 50 and these are some hip young 20 year olds so naturally he's struggling a little. He tags me in, and in my furious state of bloodlust I immediately leap onto the employee, break his neck. And I start ripping out his organs and tearing out his hair.

I woke up after that.

Skeletons: 1 Fuckboys: 0