Just another day on the job.

DAY 1:

It had all gone so well, only to fall apart now.

As I ran through these broken roads, I knew it was over for me.

A dead end, I figured as much.

They're behind me now, I black out.

Hours passed, I'm strapped to a fucking jet, I glance to my left.

They're trapped here too. Great, now I have to get myself out of this as well as a bunch of rookies?

With my edginess alone, I cut myself free of my bondage, and action roll towards a watchtower.

I quietly ascend the ladder, and "take care" of the snipers on the tower.

I take his rifle, he won't be needing it anymore. I shoot the biggest most important guy I see first.

A perfect shot, he goes down, things become chaotic fast.

I leap off the watchtower and land on some unsuspecting soldier who softened the fall, the guy next to him wasn't expecting a knife to the throat.

In the commotion, I cut the other captives free, and I make for the exit.

A knife was thrown at me, missing me by just inches, without thinking, I tear it from the wall and throw it back, he goes down.

I make my escape.

DAY 2:

Everything's going according to plan, except now I'm Shinji Ikari.

I can't complain.

BUT THERE'S NO GAY PIANO SCENE HERE, SON. (But we did get to hold hands a little.)

Bomb defusal, that was our job for today, easy enough.

Whoever we're fighting are fucking amateurs, just put the thing in the middle of a room.

It's taken care of in minutes, but we hear an explosion.

Was this bomb just a decoy?

We head outside, they're attacking us again.

We're only in schoolboy outfits, so we get the fuck out of there.

DAY 3:

Today I'm just trying to relax a little in an ice cream store, some twelve year old knows who I am and reprimands me for my less than stellar performance yesterday.

He doesn't understand what it's like in the corps, he doesn't have a distractingly attractive anime boyfriend.

Suddenly, I hear people panicking, I look outside, there's a flood.

We're trapped here in an ice cream store.

Yeah sure, whatever.

DAY 4:

Now we're trolling, but I'm not talking about shitposting on the internet. I'm my Homestuck original character, and I'm exploring a dungeon with my other fellow fucking nerds.

Everything's going alright, but shit's spooky so I panic and die.

But my character turns into a ghost and will revive in like two minutes.

I'm balanced, okay?

DAY 5: 

Another day just trying to unwind, I go onto YouTube and watch a video on how some guy modded Ratchet and Clank.

Using his coding prowess, he's made Ratchet fat.

"Incredible," I mutter under my breath. The YouTube commenters aren't as impressed.

One of them points out that Ratchet becomes fat in a scene from the third game and that this modder is lying through his teeth.

"Nerds," I think to myself, and close Google Chrome.

What better way to unwind from the horrors from war than to simulate those horrors of war? I boot up Blacklight: Retribution.

Now I know something's up, because that game is deader than Elvis.

Regardless, I play.

In minutes I'm top of the leaderboard, my kills exceed hundreds (mostly because of proximity mines that I'm putting fucking everywhere.) My nephew is envious of my skills.

But then, I get a message on Steam, who is it?

It's my best friend.

But I don't answer him immediately, this is all wrong.

And just like that, I'm pulled back into the world of the living.










DID I MENTION THIS WAS ALL A FUCKING DREAM BECAUSE YEAH THAT HAPPENED