Yeah another one of these, please look away.
Fun fact: Ryan Takanashi The Movie The Comic 2 was made solely so I could draw Lachlan fighting Ryan with the power of dance.
Thursday, April 2, 2015
ALL ABOARD THE HYPE TRAIN
Today we have learnt that good things DO happen to good people.
And that I made this happen.
Just me.
Only me.
You're welcome you communist fuckclown.
GO AHEAD AND WORSHIP ME.
I AM YOUR GOD NOW.
Friday, March 6, 2015
Welcome to the League of Losers
(First things first I just need to say that I had a nightmare about Spingtrap and that morning FNAF3 was released. Again, not saying I'm a prophet that you should worship. I'm not. Saying. That.)
But yes. I'm not sure if you've noticed by now, but I love video games. They are crucial for me and my unstable personality with horrible revenge fantasies against the world and all it's inhabitants for unknowable and possibly tragic reasons. When people ask me "What kind of video games do you play?" I usually respond with League of Legends, because I play that game a lot (I have maybe clocked over 1000 hours of it, yeesh.) and it's generally well known (Being one of the most played games on the planet.) so people usually understand what I'm talking about.
Then they might start asking questions like "What is that game like?" and it's a really hard thing to describe to someone without knowledge of video games in general, I always brush off the question with an answer like "A strategy game about destroying people's bases" Which is a really awful generalization of League but hey, people get it so fuck you, nerd.
But someone more knowledgeable of games and maybe even League itself might ask a question like "Why do you play that game?" Which is really hard to answer due to the popularity and the nature of the game. League of Legends is after all infamous for it's utterly toxic fan-base, and with the game's insistence on teamwork and communication- sometimes among complete strangers under anonymous usernames. There's no question that matches can get high strung and frustrating.
That isn't even taking in-depth game mechanics into account, it's very possible that you can get behind- and maybe by extension your enemies getting further ahead in the game which can make you ineffective- and very easy to kill. And in the event you do end up practically giving away kills to your opponents, you will draw a lot of ire from your teammates.
"But Brandon..." you stutter out nervously among the million other people that for sure read this blog. "You make this 'League of Ledgers' sound like an awful experience! Are there any redeeming qualities to it?" It is at that point that I force you back into your cage, I was just getting to that you little shit. Learn to be patient!!
There are a lot of barriers that can easily put many people off League, but for the so many that stick to it, why do we do so? There are a lot of different answers people could give, so let me just start with positions and roles in the game. Assuming you stick to the very strict meta (which is dictated mostly by League's pro players) there are four positions in the game: Top, Mid, Bot, and Jungle.
Let's run over these positions in more detail:
(But before we do let me just lay down some lingo: When I say farming I don't mean we're going to break out some motherfuckin' tractors or some shit, in the game waves of little NPCs called minions rush down the lanes and start smacking each other up, delivering the killing blow on your enemies' minions gives you gold, this is called last-hitting, and casually last-hitting these guys for a while is called farming.)
(Also the playable characters are called champions.)
TOP: Probably the most versatile lane in League, as anyone can go there depending on your team composition (a very important thing in League, as it promotes synergy between champions) But it's typically reserved for tanks and fighters, up here you're going to try and farm and get as big and as nasty as possible, come mid-game. You're an unkillable monster with powerful crowd control and the front-line for team-fights.
MID: You'll find mages and assassins here, and most champions want to accomplish different things in this lane. Some want to farm farm farm until they can one hit people, while others want to keep the other laner preoccupied while they go roam elsewhere to fuck up someone's day, but the means to said goals are the same. You tend to kill people really fast and really fancy-like.
JUNGLE: Basically single-player career mode for the longest time. With a little help from your teammates at the start, you will begin your life of ruining everything for the monsters that roam the rift, different champions can accomplish different things in the jungle. Some will just happily farm in their own, others will go help out other lanes by forming an attack on their opponent (commonly called ganking) and some will counter-jungle the opposing jungler. Usually by stealing their farm or maybe even their life. There's an awful lot to do as the jungler, and everyone will want you to be everywhere at once. It's kind of like being an older brother, by which I mean it's thankless motherfuckin' work. And someone you like will probably end up dying. (Or does that just happen to me?)
BOT: Now here's where it gets interesting. Bot lane is the duo lane, two people are down here rather than the usual one, the two in question are
The ADC (Or Attack Damage Carry) is a late-game powerhouse of incredible sustained damage (whereas late-game mages or assassins specialize in one-target burst potential) but early-game ADCs can die to someone sneezing at them really hard. The objective of an ADC is- like most people in this game- is to farm farm farm until you have enough gold to make yourself relevant. But due to your little damage output, small health pool and no effective abilities. You're going to need some help, and that help will be...
The SUPPORT (A.K.A the designated bitch) Your job is to protect the ADC, (and the whole team in general really, but MOSTLY the ADC) you keep an eye out for any potential threats and bat away enemy laners as your ADC tries to farm safely. Come late-game and if everything's gone to plan, your little boy/girl is all grown up and is wrecking house with their immense damage, but your job is far from over, as you still offer a shit-load of utility for team-fights and- no matter how strong your ADC is, if they get caught out, they're dead in seconds. Unlike the Jungler, who nobody gives a shit about. Everybody loves the support and wants to play them so they can show off their skill, and nobody will hesitate to praise your crazy plays.
Now that you understand all the roles that can be played in League, you might see that they can all feel like a completely different game, and that's not even considering the different champions you can play as. As of writing there are about 120+ champions in League of Legends, all lovingly tailored to a specific role and play-style, there's no doubt in my mind that everyone will find at least one person they'll like (or at least find one that looks the prettiest SPOILER ALERT: Urgot is best waifu)
Aside from the immense variety present in the game, there's also the satisfaction in playing to the best of your ability. Making oh so wacky plays feels great. Winning in general feels great. It all comes down to so many factors, skill, knowledge, mechanics, even mind-games are satisfying to utilize. And when they work- holy fuck is it great. It's like Chess, but better and with more explosions.
So I think that's why I love playing League of Legends, and why other people might want to consider it if you can put in the time and effort. No one match is ever the same and pulling off crazy plays feels motherfuckin' glorious. But the game's biggest problem is that it's full of noobs and feeders gg holy shit my team is so bad Nidalee is OP as shit nerf plz holy fuckaglajgahsdgjasdgjlkjshflKGJHlakgjhitsmetLEAUHGLAJDGHALSJDG
But yes. I'm not sure if you've noticed by now, but I love video games. They are crucial for me and my unstable personality with horrible revenge fantasies against the world and all it's inhabitants for unknowable and possibly tragic reasons. When people ask me "What kind of video games do you play?" I usually respond with League of Legends, because I play that game a lot (I have maybe clocked over 1000 hours of it, yeesh.) and it's generally well known (Being one of the most played games on the planet.) so people usually understand what I'm talking about.
Then they might start asking questions like "What is that game like?" and it's a really hard thing to describe to someone without knowledge of video games in general, I always brush off the question with an answer like "A strategy game about destroying people's bases" Which is a really awful generalization of League but hey, people get it so fuck you, nerd.
But someone more knowledgeable of games and maybe even League itself might ask a question like "Why do you play that game?" Which is really hard to answer due to the popularity and the nature of the game. League of Legends is after all infamous for it's utterly toxic fan-base, and with the game's insistence on teamwork and communication- sometimes among complete strangers under anonymous usernames. There's no question that matches can get high strung and frustrating.
That isn't even taking in-depth game mechanics into account, it's very possible that you can get behind- and maybe by extension your enemies getting further ahead in the game which can make you ineffective- and very easy to kill. And in the event you do end up practically giving away kills to your opponents, you will draw a lot of ire from your teammates.
"But Brandon..." you stutter out nervously among the million other people that for sure read this blog. "You make this 'League of Ledgers' sound like an awful experience! Are there any redeeming qualities to it?" It is at that point that I force you back into your cage, I was just getting to that you little shit. Learn to be patient!!
There are a lot of barriers that can easily put many people off League, but for the so many that stick to it, why do we do so? There are a lot of different answers people could give, so let me just start with positions and roles in the game. Assuming you stick to the very strict meta (which is dictated mostly by League's pro players) there are four positions in the game: Top, Mid, Bot, and Jungle.
Let's run over these positions in more detail:
(But before we do let me just lay down some lingo: When I say farming I don't mean we're going to break out some motherfuckin' tractors or some shit, in the game waves of little NPCs called minions rush down the lanes and start smacking each other up, delivering the killing blow on your enemies' minions gives you gold, this is called last-hitting, and casually last-hitting these guys for a while is called farming.)
(Also the playable characters are called champions.)
TOP: Probably the most versatile lane in League, as anyone can go there depending on your team composition (a very important thing in League, as it promotes synergy between champions) But it's typically reserved for tanks and fighters, up here you're going to try and farm and get as big and as nasty as possible, come mid-game. You're an unkillable monster with powerful crowd control and the front-line for team-fights.
MID: You'll find mages and assassins here, and most champions want to accomplish different things in this lane. Some want to farm farm farm until they can one hit people, while others want to keep the other laner preoccupied while they go roam elsewhere to fuck up someone's day, but the means to said goals are the same. You tend to kill people really fast and really fancy-like.
JUNGLE: Basically single-player career mode for the longest time. With a little help from your teammates at the start, you will begin your life of ruining everything for the monsters that roam the rift, different champions can accomplish different things in the jungle. Some will just happily farm in their own, others will go help out other lanes by forming an attack on their opponent (commonly called ganking) and some will counter-jungle the opposing jungler. Usually by stealing their farm or maybe even their life. There's an awful lot to do as the jungler, and everyone will want you to be everywhere at once. It's kind of like being an older brother, by which I mean it's thankless motherfuckin' work. And someone you like will probably end up dying. (Or does that just happen to me?)
BOT: Now here's where it gets interesting. Bot lane is the duo lane, two people are down here rather than the usual one, the two in question are
The ADC (Or Attack Damage Carry) is a late-game powerhouse of incredible sustained damage (whereas late-game mages or assassins specialize in one-target burst potential) but early-game ADCs can die to someone sneezing at them really hard. The objective of an ADC is- like most people in this game- is to farm farm farm until you have enough gold to make yourself relevant. But due to your little damage output, small health pool and no effective abilities. You're going to need some help, and that help will be...
The SUPPORT (A.K.A the designated bitch) Your job is to protect the ADC, (and the whole team in general really, but MOSTLY the ADC) you keep an eye out for any potential threats and bat away enemy laners as your ADC tries to farm safely. Come late-game and if everything's gone to plan, your little boy/girl is all grown up and is wrecking house with their immense damage, but your job is far from over, as you still offer a shit-load of utility for team-fights and- no matter how strong your ADC is, if they get caught out, they're dead in seconds. Unlike the Jungler, who nobody gives a shit about. Everybody loves the support and wants to play them so they can show off their skill, and nobody will hesitate to praise your crazy plays.
Now that you understand all the roles that can be played in League, you might see that they can all feel like a completely different game, and that's not even considering the different champions you can play as. As of writing there are about 120+ champions in League of Legends, all lovingly tailored to a specific role and play-style, there's no doubt in my mind that everyone will find at least one person they'll like (or at least find one that looks the prettiest SPOILER ALERT: Urgot is best waifu)
Aside from the immense variety present in the game, there's also the satisfaction in playing to the best of your ability. Making oh so wacky plays feels great. Winning in general feels great. It all comes down to so many factors, skill, knowledge, mechanics, even mind-games are satisfying to utilize. And when they work- holy fuck is it great. It's like Chess, but better and with more explosions.
So I think that's why I love playing League of Legends, and why other people might want to consider it if you can put in the time and effort. No one match is ever the same and pulling off crazy plays feels motherfuckin' glorious. But the game's biggest problem is that it's full of noobs and feeders gg holy shit my team is so bad Nidalee is OP as shit nerf plz holy fuckaglajgahsdgjasdgjlkjshflKGJHlakgjhitsmetLEAUHGLAJDGHALSJDG
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Ryan Takanashi: The Movie: The Comic
I made this whole thing and I'm not proud.
It's basically a long comic strip of in-jokes I really wouldn't read it, I've put it up for personal "ease of access."
Fuck you it's not like this blog has standards to live up to or anything.
Thursday, February 19, 2015
YOU KNOW WHAT I HATE? FUCKIN' DREAMS DUDE
This one had the potential to make sense, if I could remember the first half which for now is just a blur of livin' in the city, bludgeoning people in dark alleyways and fully recovering from injury with nothing but a band-aid. But I'm sure whatever happened was really good and frankly you should have been there.
But what I do remember starts off at my house, which just seems to change shape and structure frequently so I don't know what the fuck is going on there. But I go upstairs to play some goddamn video games cuz y'know me. I'm playing what could be an intensely gory Killer Instinct like this but that sexy slice of skeleton was a zombie instead and this fight was taking place in my room, which I never called into question, I just more or less attributed it to one of those fancy new virtual reality things you kids got going for ya today.
Speaking of kids, all my neighbors came over to my house to watch me play video games because I'm just cool like that. One pair of kids in particular were mighty familiar but I never really looked into that, even when it was basically confirmed that these two were the real thing out of the actual game, but fuck that I got nerds to 1v1.
Then my house transforms to...uhhhh.
Kinda like an ewok village/island resort looking place which is a nice way of saying WHERE'D MY FUCKIN HOUSE GO IT JUST KINDA DISAPPEARED I CAN'T PLAY VIDYA ANYMORE GODDAMN. But whatever, after mingling with my guests for a while I just kind of fucked off to the moon.
No, you read that right.
Accompanying me on my trip are another group of kids that look mighty- OH GODDAMMIT. Can you call copyright claims on my dreams? Jesus Christ.
But whatever, after walking around on a moon base for a while (Yes, there was a base on the moon.) We then learn about it's past (that involved a race of long dormant aliens being awakened after a soda machine was accidentally set to explode by- ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I DON'T EVEN- No, no. It's fine. I don't care.
Then my crack team of agents comes across a destroyed robot that was to be sent back in time to just kinda help me out with whatever, after my mechanic fixes what basically looked like a pile of scrap earlier now looks like- FUCKING-
We delve into the twisted catacombs of an alien hive, fighting our way through unsightly abominations which I couldn't even describe to you if I tried, and eventually we come across the leader of the aliens which is- oh fuck off I'm done.
But what I do remember starts off at my house, which just seems to change shape and structure frequently so I don't know what the fuck is going on there. But I go upstairs to play some goddamn video games cuz y'know me. I'm playing what could be an intensely gory Killer Instinct like this but that sexy slice of skeleton was a zombie instead and this fight was taking place in my room, which I never called into question, I just more or less attributed it to one of those fancy new virtual reality things you kids got going for ya today.
Speaking of kids, all my neighbors came over to my house to watch me play video games because I'm just cool like that. One pair of kids in particular were mighty familiar but I never really looked into that, even when it was basically confirmed that these two were the real thing out of the actual game, but fuck that I got nerds to 1v1.
Then my house transforms to...uhhhh.
Kinda like an ewok village/island resort looking place which is a nice way of saying WHERE'D MY FUCKIN HOUSE GO IT JUST KINDA DISAPPEARED I CAN'T PLAY VIDYA ANYMORE GODDAMN. But whatever, after mingling with my guests for a while I just kind of fucked off to the moon.
No, you read that right.
Accompanying me on my trip are another group of kids that look mighty- OH GODDAMMIT. Can you call copyright claims on my dreams? Jesus Christ.
But whatever, after walking around on a moon base for a while (Yes, there was a base on the moon.) We then learn about it's past (that involved a race of long dormant aliens being awakened after a soda machine was accidentally set to explode by- ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I DON'T EVEN- No, no. It's fine. I don't care.
Then my crack team of agents comes across a destroyed robot that was to be sent back in time to just kinda help me out with whatever, after my mechanic fixes what basically looked like a pile of scrap earlier now looks like- FUCKING-
We delve into the twisted catacombs of an alien hive, fighting our way through unsightly abominations which I couldn't even describe to you if I tried, and eventually we come across the leader of the aliens which is- oh fuck off I'm done.
Friday, January 30, 2015
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
SHIT'S FUCKED, YO.
Hey I'm not dead I just couldn't think of anything to write about.
So if you've ever read a single page of this blog (and why would you?) you've probably noticed by way of behavioral instability, undying thirst for vengeance and getting really upset about no MOTHER 3 representatives in the new smash. You may have come to the realization that I'm...uhhhh...
Unhinged.
Crazy, insane, wuh wuh wuh wacky. I could go on.
But sure, despite all this I've always felt that I've shared a sense of unity with my own mind, I'm not talking zen here, I just mean that my brain isn't actively against me. Sure we enjoy screwing around with each other, I like to subject it to awful shit on the internet and it doesn't let me sleep ever. It's subconscious witty banter and the like.
But that kinda changed last night.
I have two kinds of dreams, I believe there are examples of both also in this blog.
1. Completely abstract and surreal, revolves around nothing in particular, can go literally anywhere.
2. Follows a (barely) coherent story, tends to imply messages and themes.
I also have two different kinds of nightmares.
1. Torture session.
2. Sightly more coherent longer torture session.
Sometimes (albeit rarely) I have follow up dreams that continue from one of my previous dreams, this has happened in the same night, on the next day, and once months and months from the original dream. My nightmares have never really followed suit on this.
But that kinda changed last night. (See I did that again pretty cool, huh?)
The first night I must have had eight or so nightmares, each one becoming more and more vivid and more and more clear in it's goals, to scare the shit out of me. It had succeeded, but nightmares are nightmares, right? I didn't really think about it.
What really stuck with me though, was the sort of transitions between nightmares, it would be me 'waking up' in my room, with each nightmare it became more and more convincing, like it was learning how to trick me, it had even nailed that dreary sort of vision when you first wake up and you're all like "just five more minutes please."
These transitions ended in all kinds of ways, sometimes I would think nothing of it and go back to 'sleep,' sometimes I'd get up and go into the living room where I'd find lots of dead bodies, Or I'd stay in my bed as I started to realize I wasn't awake.
But like I said, nightmares are just nightmares, right? No biggie, and it's not like it's the first time it does that fake wake up thing, it's happened plenty of times.
But the next night is what really fucked with me.
The first nightmare was me playing Five Nights at Freddy's 3. Except it wasn't, it was sort of like an ARG (Sort of like how they changed Portal's ending to lead into Portal 2.) Five Nights at Freddy's 2 had changed to lead into FNAF3.
It was 6AM, Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria had been reduced to ruins, singed and destroyed animatronics were littered on the ground. My objective? Get in my car, drive out of the parking lot and GTFO of there. Easy, right? Except you were playing a FNAF game, and for whatever reason you felt obliged to check the passenger seat for some spooky robot trying to kill you in it's final machine breaths. But you can't. It's 6AM. They're all dead.
You've won.
I've always loved it when video games blend the story with game mechanics in such a way to make a point. Like that scene in Hotline Miami, when you respawn even though it doesn't make sense, you just got shot by a rat looking motherfucker in your own house. MOTHERFUCKER YOU DEAD.
Stranger still, I wasn't actually playing this game- Well, I was. But at the same time I was watching a youtuber playing it. Complete with face-cam so you can see every time they're like AAH SO SCARY. I could actually skip forward into the video while still playing the game, I was basically fast forwarding time. And you know how they give you a little preview if you hover over a certain time in a YouTube video. Yeah, well I could see a jumpscare into the future and just kinda skipped it like that. Huh.
And then I wake up and go back to sleep or whatever I don't even know.
The next nightmare was the kicker though, I was in a house with two concerned parents, some motherfucker was like openly mocking them for having a severe down-syndrome kid. I'm talking like serious brain damage, barely alive, always in severe pain for the rest of his life. It's sort of a gray area whether or not that kind of person should be 'put to sleep.'
As a morally just and caring person I immediately console these two parents, which was a big fucking mistake because they were both completely insane. The mother was on a serious hair trigger and would probably tear out my jugular if I said the wrong thing. The father was just odd and burst out into rap at points. This situation became increasingly more uncomfortable and tense until I 'woke up' for the last time.
Everything was fine, but I could see odd things happening in my peripheral vision, until eventually I felt a burning sensation, looking down, I could see and feel my flesh melting away. As it bubbled and warped I hear a loud shrill voice: "ARE YOU READY FOR MORE FUN?!"
No I certainly fucking wasn't, I started panicking and woke up for realsies. For hours I refused to go back to sleep in fear of what could happen next. The way my nightmares became increasingly more malevolent over the course of two days was terrifying.
so yeah fuck sleep im staying awake forever
So if you've ever read a single page of this blog (and why would you?) you've probably noticed by way of behavioral instability, undying thirst for vengeance and getting really upset about no MOTHER 3 representatives in the new smash. You may have come to the realization that I'm...uhhhh...
Unhinged.
Crazy, insane, wuh wuh wuh wacky. I could go on.
But sure, despite all this I've always felt that I've shared a sense of unity with my own mind, I'm not talking zen here, I just mean that my brain isn't actively against me. Sure we enjoy screwing around with each other, I like to subject it to awful shit on the internet and it doesn't let me sleep ever. It's subconscious witty banter and the like.
But that kinda changed last night.
I have two kinds of dreams, I believe there are examples of both also in this blog.
1. Completely abstract and surreal, revolves around nothing in particular, can go literally anywhere.
2. Follows a (barely) coherent story, tends to imply messages and themes.
I also have two different kinds of nightmares.
1. Torture session.
2. Sightly more coherent longer torture session.
Sometimes (albeit rarely) I have follow up dreams that continue from one of my previous dreams, this has happened in the same night, on the next day, and once months and months from the original dream. My nightmares have never really followed suit on this.
But that kinda changed last night. (See I did that again pretty cool, huh?)
The first night I must have had eight or so nightmares, each one becoming more and more vivid and more and more clear in it's goals, to scare the shit out of me. It had succeeded, but nightmares are nightmares, right? I didn't really think about it.
What really stuck with me though, was the sort of transitions between nightmares, it would be me 'waking up' in my room, with each nightmare it became more and more convincing, like it was learning how to trick me, it had even nailed that dreary sort of vision when you first wake up and you're all like "just five more minutes please."
These transitions ended in all kinds of ways, sometimes I would think nothing of it and go back to 'sleep,' sometimes I'd get up and go into the living room where I'd find lots of dead bodies, Or I'd stay in my bed as I started to realize I wasn't awake.
But like I said, nightmares are just nightmares, right? No biggie, and it's not like it's the first time it does that fake wake up thing, it's happened plenty of times.
But the next night is what really fucked with me.
The first nightmare was me playing Five Nights at Freddy's 3. Except it wasn't, it was sort of like an ARG (Sort of like how they changed Portal's ending to lead into Portal 2.) Five Nights at Freddy's 2 had changed to lead into FNAF3.
It was 6AM, Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria had been reduced to ruins, singed and destroyed animatronics were littered on the ground. My objective? Get in my car, drive out of the parking lot and GTFO of there. Easy, right? Except you were playing a FNAF game, and for whatever reason you felt obliged to check the passenger seat for some spooky robot trying to kill you in it's final machine breaths. But you can't. It's 6AM. They're all dead.
You've won.
I've always loved it when video games blend the story with game mechanics in such a way to make a point. Like that scene in Hotline Miami, when you respawn even though it doesn't make sense, you just got shot by a rat looking motherfucker in your own house. MOTHERFUCKER YOU DEAD.
Stranger still, I wasn't actually playing this game- Well, I was. But at the same time I was watching a youtuber playing it. Complete with face-cam so you can see every time they're like AAH SO SCARY. I could actually skip forward into the video while still playing the game, I was basically fast forwarding time. And you know how they give you a little preview if you hover over a certain time in a YouTube video. Yeah, well I could see a jumpscare into the future and just kinda skipped it like that. Huh.
And then I wake up and go back to sleep or whatever I don't even know.
The next nightmare was the kicker though, I was in a house with two concerned parents, some motherfucker was like openly mocking them for having a severe down-syndrome kid. I'm talking like serious brain damage, barely alive, always in severe pain for the rest of his life. It's sort of a gray area whether or not that kind of person should be 'put to sleep.'
As a morally just and caring person I immediately console these two parents, which was a big fucking mistake because they were both completely insane. The mother was on a serious hair trigger and would probably tear out my jugular if I said the wrong thing. The father was just odd and burst out into rap at points. This situation became increasingly more uncomfortable and tense until I 'woke up' for the last time.
Everything was fine, but I could see odd things happening in my peripheral vision, until eventually I felt a burning sensation, looking down, I could see and feel my flesh melting away. As it bubbled and warped I hear a loud shrill voice: "ARE YOU READY FOR MORE FUN?!"
No I certainly fucking wasn't, I started panicking and woke up for realsies. For hours I refused to go back to sleep in fear of what could happen next. The way my nightmares became increasingly more malevolent over the course of two days was terrifying.
so yeah fuck sleep im staying awake forever
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
this is the best game of all time
Wow.
That's amazing.
Thank you for the really impressive changes Riot.
I am just in love with what you do here.
nyeeeEEEEHYEEYAHGHARGYRHGHRAGHASJDHGKLHGJHSDLGHLKAJGKLJDSHG
Thursday, December 11, 2014
FUCK I'M FALLING DOWN ALL THESE ALISTAIRS
Now that we're in preseason and everything is in total fucking chaos, the meta is all over the place with some champions finding stupidly OP power surges (Like Warwick, they did nerf him but his kit is still cringy.) and all the new champions are either ridiculously buggy, (Azir) needlessly complicated, (Kalista) or just plain useless. (Rek'Sai) I'm really glad that some part of Riot Games has their priorities straight.
A lot of the older champions look like fucking garbage (like Kennen, Poppy, Mundo, Tristana, Morgana and of course FIDDLESTICKS-senpai) so of course there's a lot to fix and Riot Games (Responsible for League of Legends like the biggest competitive online game ever) can't do everything at once with what their 3 man team. So Alistar is OBVIOUSLY the highest priority on the VU board.
Not this guy.
Or this girl.
It's the moose.
Thank you again, Riot.
For being the best game company ever.
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
Freddy Fazbear and Co. visit an insomniac, hilarity ensues.
It's 2:00AM.
I'm in my bed, I can't sleep. I've been staring at my clock for what feels like hours, but it never changes. Is the goddamn thing broken? Fuck, I really don't need that right now.
I'm hearing a lot of noises, but I'm paranoid so I'm used to it. Scratching at my wardrobe door? I'm fine. Clattering and banging from upstairs? I can dig it. The Toreador March- Wait. The Toreador March?
Oh fuck.
Oh fuck.
The door swings open, and there he stands. It's Freddy. We stare at each other for a solid minute before he slowly makes his way toward me, now inches from my face his mouth opens and in the most creepy, mechanical voice I've ever heard he whispers.
"Are...
You...
Ready...
For...
Your hot chocolate?"
Wait. What the fuck? You're not serious.
"We heard you haven't been sleeping well lately and, well. We've all been pretty worried about you." He motions towards the door, I can see Chica staring at me intensely. But where's...
"BonnIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" He straight up ends the word with the death scream from the game. Fuck fuck fuck my heart skipped a beat.
I can hear someone coming down the stairs, Bonnie enters the room.
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NyeehhhHHHHHHH he's scary.
"Would you go make Brandon a cup of hot chocolate? One of your best please."
Bonnie turns his head towards me for a second, then lurches back upstairs.
"There, that should help. Oh, we kicked Foxy out into your garden- you know how he gets. Don't let him in, whatever you do."
And with that, Freddy leaves and closes the door behind him.
This isn't fucking happening, this nightmare is just an extremely tense bait-and-switch, we all know what's going to happen, just never when.
I look to my window, and I can see Foxy.
FFFFFUCK, his eyes burn into my soul.
We exchange glances, but I look away and try my best to ignore him.
Minutes pass, I can still feel Foxy's eyes on me, I'm starting to get nervous.
Then I hear knocking at my window.
"Psst. Hey. Hey. HEY.
C'mere matey."
I don't want to, but I do it anyway, would Foxy really try anything?
"Open the door, lad. I won't go hurtin' ye."
Out of guilt, I agree to it. I sneak out of my room and to the back door, I don't see any of the other animatronics around.
I can see Foxy's face through the window. I didn't think suits like that could smile. But I swear he was.
I slowly turn the doorknob just slightly, but that's all he needed. He immediately bursts through the door and gives me what I can only assume to be a very violent hug, but I woke up.
That morning, I check steam and Five Night's at Freddy's 2 is now available.
Now, I'm not saying I'm a prophet. A godlike entity that should be worshipped as I unwillingly predict events. I'm not saying that. I'm just implying it.
I'm in my bed, I can't sleep. I've been staring at my clock for what feels like hours, but it never changes. Is the goddamn thing broken? Fuck, I really don't need that right now.
I'm hearing a lot of noises, but I'm paranoid so I'm used to it. Scratching at my wardrobe door? I'm fine. Clattering and banging from upstairs? I can dig it. The Toreador March- Wait. The Toreador March?
Oh fuck.
The door swings open, and there he stands. It's Freddy. We stare at each other for a solid minute before he slowly makes his way toward me, now inches from my face his mouth opens and in the most creepy, mechanical voice I've ever heard he whispers.
"Are...
You...
Ready...
For...
Your hot chocolate?"
Wait. What the fuck? You're not serious.
"We heard you haven't been sleeping well lately and, well. We've all been pretty worried about you." He motions towards the door, I can see Chica staring at me intensely. But where's...
"BonnIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" He straight up ends the word with the death scream from the game. Fuck fuck fuck my heart skipped a beat.
I can hear someone coming down the stairs, Bonnie enters the room.
NyeehhhHHHHHHH he's scary.
"Would you go make Brandon a cup of hot chocolate? One of your best please."
Bonnie turns his head towards me for a second, then lurches back upstairs.
"There, that should help. Oh, we kicked Foxy out into your garden- you know how he gets. Don't let him in, whatever you do."
And with that, Freddy leaves and closes the door behind him.
This isn't fucking happening, this nightmare is just an extremely tense bait-and-switch, we all know what's going to happen, just never when.
I look to my window, and I can see Foxy.
We exchange glances, but I look away and try my best to ignore him.
Minutes pass, I can still feel Foxy's eyes on me, I'm starting to get nervous.
Then I hear knocking at my window.
"Psst. Hey. Hey. HEY.
C'mere matey."
I don't want to, but I do it anyway, would Foxy really try anything?
"Open the door, lad. I won't go hurtin' ye."
Out of guilt, I agree to it. I sneak out of my room and to the back door, I don't see any of the other animatronics around.
I can see Foxy's face through the window. I didn't think suits like that could smile. But I swear he was.
I slowly turn the doorknob just slightly, but that's all he needed. He immediately bursts through the door and gives me what I can only assume to be a very violent hug, but I woke up.
That morning, I check steam and Five Night's at Freddy's 2 is now available.
Now, I'm not saying I'm a prophet. A godlike entity that should be worshipped as I unwillingly predict events. I'm not saying that. I'm just implying it.
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