Thursday, February 19, 2015

YOU KNOW WHAT I HATE? FUCKIN' DREAMS DUDE

This one had the potential to make sense, if I could remember the first half which for now is just a blur of livin' in the city, bludgeoning people in dark alleyways and fully recovering from injury with nothing but a band-aid. But I'm sure whatever happened was really good and frankly you should have been there.

But what I do remember starts off at my house, which just seems to change shape and structure frequently so I don't know what the fuck is going on there. But I go upstairs to play some goddamn video games cuz y'know me. I'm playing what could be an intensely gory Killer Instinct like this but that sexy slice of skeleton was a zombie instead and this fight was taking place in my room, which I never called into question, I just more or less attributed it to one of those fancy new virtual reality things you kids got going for ya today.

Speaking of kids, all my neighbors came over to my house to watch me play video games because I'm just cool like that. One pair of kids in particular were mighty familiar but I never really looked into that, even when it was basically confirmed that these two were the real thing out of the actual game, but fuck that I got nerds to 1v1.

Then my house transforms to...uhhhh.

Kinda like an ewok village/island resort looking place which is a nice way of saying WHERE'D MY FUCKIN HOUSE GO IT JUST KINDA DISAPPEARED I CAN'T PLAY VIDYA ANYMORE GODDAMN. But whatever, after mingling with my guests for a while I just kind of fucked off to the moon.

No, you read that right.

Accompanying me on my trip are another group of kids that look mighty- OH GODDAMMIT. Can you call copyright claims on my dreams? Jesus Christ.

But whatever, after walking around on a moon base for a while (Yes, there was a base on the moon.) We then learn about it's past (that involved a race of long dormant aliens being awakened after a soda machine was accidentally set to explode by- ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I DON'T EVEN- No, no. It's fine. I don't care.

Then my crack team of agents comes across a destroyed robot that was to be sent back in time to just kinda help me out with whatever, after my mechanic fixes what basically looked like a pile of scrap earlier now looks like- FUCKING-

We delve into the twisted catacombs of an alien hive, fighting our way through unsightly abominations which I couldn't even describe to you if I tried, and eventually we come across the leader of the aliens which is- oh fuck off I'm done.

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