SUPER SMASHED BROS E3

"Give us MOTHER 3!"

They're goddamn taunting me.

Look, we can play this little game as much as we want. It's fun, you know? I have dreams, you're here to crush them it's a good system really. But for God's sake don't rub it in that's just cruel.

And Mii fighters? I'm surprised that wasn't in Brawl actually, and it looks pretty well done so I'm cool with that.

Okay then, what other perfectly good characters are they not adding in this time?

Oh get the fuck out.

Oh get the fuck out and don't come back in.

You have got to be fucking shitting me.

WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT?
WHO THE FUCK EVEN IS SHE?
WHY AREN'T MY FINGERS IN SOMEONE'S EYE SOCKETS RIGHT NOW?

No. No I don't give a shit. I never gave a shit. This game was never made to change anything except make the Wii U bearable. And I don't care what you do with it. I don't give a shit. You think I give a shit, if I gave a shit I'd talk all about how I give a shit. But I'm not. Because I don't give a shit.

If that's the best thing you could show for E3, E-FUCKING-3 by the way, I guess we're done he-

P-p-p-p-p-pacman?

You invited P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-

PACMAN?

PAAAACMAAAAN!?

PAAAAAAAAAAACMAAAAAAAAAAAN!?!?

No it's fine I don't give a PACMAAAAAAN!?!?

ARGHARGHARHGAHGRAHGHGAHRAGHRAHRGHRGAHGHGAHRGHAHGHRHRHRRR

I'm fine it's cool I'm JUST.

PERFECT.

Nintendo, just tell me. Right now. No one else has to hear this. Don't show me footage, don't give me anything. All I want is for you to whisper to me what I want to hear.

"A MOTHER/Earthbound representative is in the new Smash Bros."

And that's it, that's all you have to say. We can go our separate ways, I'll even take you out for dinner if you have the time. But this ONE thing is all I want from you.

This tiny, little, insignificant

PACMAAAAAN!?!?