Saturday, May 3, 2014

The Weirdest Fucking Dream I Ever Had (Ft. Satan)

I had a weird dream last night.

Pretty much all my dreams are weird, but as I get older they slowly up their game. Random creatures just screaming at me doesn't really work any more (it still does) so my brain has to get creative, convince me what I'm witnessing is real, and then stab me in the back at the first moment of weakness.

So my dream starts off with me and my family of four. (Two parents and two brothers, one slightly older and one much younger, which is pretty interesting all things considered.) And what family is complete without their luxury home! ...Us, apparently. We're in the middle of a forest where our new home is slated to be. And we have to build it ourselves...with nowhere to accommodate us until the house is built. Cruel.

So a year goes by, complete with seasons (INCLUDING winter. My brain had never even hinted towards hypothermia, OR BEING THE SLIGHTEST BIT FUCKING COLD IN THE MIDDLE OF A FOREST WITH NO GODDAMN HOUSE.) And the house is finally done! Naturally we decide to throw a party to celebrate, and invite a good 50 fucking people to it. In this tiny little two story house. (I never even saw anything past upstairs, for whatever reason we slept in a corner in the living room.)

This is where we're introduced to our...stepmother? She was just kind of introduced as a bitch, and then a witch. I call her both of these things too, knowing full well probably both of those things were true, and she was about to raise hell on everything I loved.

...Why did I call her a bitch again? Was it just one of those 'in the moment things?' hard to justify when she's literally going to kill everyone and destroy everything over it.

Which is where shit gets weird, the house starts changing form (although that's most likely my brain just being inconsistent because it's been doing that for a loooong time now.) people are teleporting around the place (50 people including me got together for a group photo, 3 minutes into it half of them are gone and we're on the other side of the building, NO ONE FUCKING QUESTIONED IT.)

Then people start disappearing, including my brothers, close friends, and then my parents. (For whatever reason I'm only concerned at most about losing my family and friends.) At that point the 'survivors' decide to head off deeper in to the forest and...build another house or something?

Also, this 'forest' slowly became a jungle, complete with giant spiders and ancient ruins of a lost civilization (probably Mayan or Aztec, interestingly.) We're down to a good 15 people and not a single one of them even considers what happened to the rest. Also they were all complete assholes. Which is where I see a spike pit not five feet away from me. If I had to live stranded somewhere surrounded by jerks and traps set thousands of years ago, it seems I would kill myself, because I did.

Then the curtain falls and the big secret is finally revealed! It was all a....VIDEO GAME. Yes that's right! A VIDEO GAME! Complete with a fucking game over screen telling me how good I did! How much I ate, how long I slept, how many people I kissed. (Not kidding that was a thing...it was no one outside of my family THANK YOU VERY MUCH.) So I just took part in a first person Sims game with god-damn permadeath and everyone that was still alive was mocking me. (I did earn 420 coins though.) So back to a main menu screen, with my now dead little brother making demonic chanting (WHICH IS ESPECIALLY FUCKING TERRIFYING ALL THINGS CONSIDERED.) Now realizing that my somewhat bastardized paradise was all a lie, I try to wake up. And it took three times until I woke up for realsies (What appeared to be my bedroom would always be slightly off, something would be missing/in the wrong place, and then whoever was still playing that stupid god-damn game would be laughing at me THROUGH MY HEADPHONES ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM.) So the lesson here is no chocolate before bed kids or your utter fucking paradise will come true, then will fall apart around you, and then you kill yourself, and then IT WAS ALL A GAAAAAAAAAAAAAME.


Brains are fucking weird.

1 comment:

Objectively speaking scrolling down this far was your first mistake.

What are you doing here, really?