Fixing Fiddlesticks

So I was gonna do a post about Abaddon when he got released because if you read my post about the DoTA 2 concept art I was kinda really excited about him. Well yeah he's FUCKING AMAZING but then my friends suggested I move to League of Legends. Now before we start fighting I'm just going to throw this out here: LEAGUE IS SO MUCH BETTER IN MY OPINION. The UI is great, it has a beautiful art style, the heroes (Sorry, CHAMPIONS) are much more interesting and unique (Although it does suffer a lot from tons of generic video-game females syndrome, but hey. It's not that bad and most of them are pretty forgivable.) and the game is generally a lot more intuitive. DoTA on the other hand just feels clunky, the UI is messy, not very informative and the game just doesn't look that great. (Although I will always love heroes like Rubick, Timbersaw and of course NYX NYX NYX!)

Some of my favourite champions are Thresh, a sadistic chain warden with a taste for souls. Veigar, a hilariously angry little mage that looks like Vivi from Final Fantasy IX (Never played one of those games but I always loved that little fella.) Zed, a ninja assassin that looks like Shredder and Lord Zedd's lovechild. Kha'zix, a ferocious Pokemon. Shaco, which is basically the Joker if he completely lost it. And Fiddlesticks.

Oh.
God.
FIDDLESTICKS.

I don't know what it is, I really can't tell you. But I just have a soft spot for creepy animate scarecrows that are actually on good terms with crows despite being...you know, SCARECROWS. He's just so cool and everything he does is awesome and just...GOD!

But League of Legends has been out for a little while now, and since Fiddle was one of the first champions he doesn't quite look up to the game's current standards. And by that I mean.

He's so FUCKING STUPID LOOKING.

HERP DERP I'M GONNA GETCHA!

Just...COME ON. THAT'S FIDDLESTICKS? THE HARBINGER OF DOOM?

DOOOMM!?

DOOOOOOOOOOOOM!?!?

He looks like a cardboard cut-out of Fiddlesticks, not the ACTUAL THING. His walk is GOOFY, he has TEN lines of dialogue and they all sound PATHETIC, what even is that thing around his neck and ARGH IT'S TERRIBLE!

I know I know, he has a visual update on the way like all the old champions, but...god. He's one of my favourite champions and I would play him all the time if he just LOOKED DECENT.

Just look at him in the Twist of Fate video...

SURPRISE MOTHERFUCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!

Now compare THIS bundle of MANHOOD to that piece of shit further up, do you see a problem here? I do. FIDDLE NEEDS TO BE COOL INGAME!

So yeah, he needs to be spruced up, but I think he needs MORE than that, you know? I feel like he's MISSING something, so despite begging for a VU, I think we need to take a look at his skillset, yeah?

LET'S GO DO IT NOW YEAH UH YEAH MMMMMMMMMMM

FIDDLE'S ABILITIES

Dread: Enemy units within 1000 range have their magic resist decreased by 10

This passive is, simply put, kinda meh. It's not terrible, it's just not that interesting and you don't really notice it. I mean, it PROBABLY makes an impressive difference, but how can you really tell? It's not like you can turn it off or anything. If I were to do anything here, I'd get it to scale by level, add something to it, or change it completely.

Terrify: Scares the target shitless so you can BEAT THEIR ASS!

At max level, this is three seconds of your target being unable to do ANYTHING as you laugh maniacally and your team forms behind you for SUPER RAPETM and god, is it despicably EVIL. I can't criticize this one, it's too brilliant. MOVING ON!

Drain: Creates a leash around the enemy doing continuous damage to him and healing you YEAH BITCH WHAT'S DAMAGE CAN'T HEAR YA

(You know, it's never specified what he's draining, food for thought.)

Coupled with terrify, this is three whole seconds worth of 'lulfreehealth' evil? Yes. Handy? Oh yeah. Annoying?

FUCK. YES.

Despite this spell being really good, I can't help but wonder, does Fiddle NEED this spell?

Originally he was intended to be a ap carry in mid lane, and mid laners generally focus farm above all else, self sustain is a devious thing to have in such a situation, but is out of place? I'm probably wrong on this.

Besides, taking this away from him would remove his jungling capabilities altogether, but would that be a good thing? Besides, Fiddles support is where it's at, baby.

Dark Wind: Throws a muh'fucking crow at a bitch, doing damage and silencing them and shit.

Every spell Fiddle has on him is evil and annoying, perhaps moreso than Teemo.

No wait, of course not what am I saying.

But this one is good, ever throw a crow at someone SO HARD they are left speechless? No of course not you fucking IDIOT. ONLY FIDDLE CAN PULL OFF SUCH A STUNT.

No real complaints about this one in terms of function, but throwing a crow at someone DOES look kinda stupid. Have it like in that Twist of Fate video where he raises his scythe and is all like "NYAHAHA!"and maybe a small cluster of crows rather than just one.

Oh and make it a skillshot because that's what ALL the cool reworks are doing.

Crowstorm: MUH'FUCKIN' CROWSTOOOOOOOOOOOOORM!

THIS IS IT. THIS RIGHT HERE IS WHAT FIDDLESTICKS IS FAMOUS FOR, 1.5 SECONDS OF GLORIOUS CHANNELING AND BAM! FIDDLES ALL UP IN YOUR FACE AND SHIT AND FOLLOWING HIM ARE A MILLION CROWS OF PURE TERROR AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS CRY AND SCREAM AS THEY FLOCK AROUND YOU AND PECK YOUR EYES OUT.

ALSO FIDDLE CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK HE WANTS WHILE THIS IS HAPPENING SO HE CAN JUST FUCK. YOU. UUUPPPPP.

THIS SPELL IS PERFECT, IT'S BEAUTIFUL AND NOTHING COULD BE BETT-well.

I mean. Maybe if he did more than just magically blink it'd look much cooler at leas- SHUT THE FUCK UP IT'S PERFECT.

So that's what I would change in Fiddlesticks, not brilliant or clever but I JUST WANTED TO POST HERE AGAIN DON'T JUDGE ME MY GOLDFISH DIED ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

NEW SUPAH SMASH BRUDDAS

Nintendo.

Nintendo.

Niiiintennnndooo.

Ninten.

NINTENDO, I love you. That's something that I could have said a few years ago, but nowadays they have the worst and most gimmicky console on the market right now, and the Wii U just doesn't interest me at- HOLY SHIT THEY'RE MAKING A NEW SUPER SMASH BROS.

Oh.

Ohhhhhh.

Ohhhhhhhhhhh nnnnnnnoooo.

Okay, yeah thanks Nintendo. Thanks for telling us the first couple people that are going to be in the game are EVERYONE WE KNEW WOULD BE IN THE FUCKING GAME. Though I admit, the Villager from Animal Crossing was a nice addition, they needed a representative, it's a good game.

Good game.

But come on guys, surely you can do better than that, I mean. Is that it for now? That's really not good enough for- HOLY SHIT IT'S MEGAMAN

MEGAMAN

MEGAMAN

MEGAMAN

MEGAMAN

MEGAMAN

JUMPIN' AND SHOOTIN'

JUMPIN' AND SHOOTIN'

I TAKE IT ALL BACK.

NINTENDO WINS

NINTENDO WINS

BAAAP BAP BAP BAP BAAAAAAAAP

Okay, I'm better now. I had a very minor heart attack at the beginning of the video though, you know who that silhouette looks a LOT like?

Add this fucker in.

Let me give you all the reasons you NEED to add this guy in.

1. The MOTHER series needs at least ONE representative in every SSB, that's how it is, that's how it's always been, it's how it MUST. BE.

2. Ness? Good. Lucas? Better. Claus? SFNLAKGJADSGNKLAJDSGAKLSDJGADSGN

SO
MUCH
YES

3. Are there any badass gingers in SSB RIGHT NOW? Let me answer that for y- NO.

4. He has an arm cannon, AND a sword. THAT IS HOW YOU DUAL-WIELD.

5. Could just be a megaman reskin, I don't care. I JUST WANT HIM.

Please do it.

Please.

I will have your babies.

I will have ALL OF YOUR BABIES.

GIVE THEM TO MEEEEEEEEEE.

Nintendo.

I love you.


tl;dr: Please let me see one MOTHER character in this game in the next couple weeks or I will emotionally break down, this is all I have left.

New Dota 2 Concept art

So I had a look at the new Dota 2 concept art of the last few characters that are slated to be added to the character roster. Six of the twelve of the remaining characters from the original Warcraft III mod have received concept art. And I won't lie, it looks pretty damn good.

I will show these and tell you what I like. And maybe what I don't. I dunno. S'magic.

       ABYSSAL UNDERLORD:

Abyssal Underlord was originally named Pit Lord in the original Dota, but has received a name change due to copyright issues. That's fine. I like the new name better. Sounds fearsome.

The original character in the first Dota.

If I had to pick a favourite here, it would be the very first one, at the top. Although ALL of them look amazing. It's like Slark wearing Nyx Assassin armour, except this Slaryx can also control the element of FIRE.

Just think about that for a second.

That's god-damn beautiful.

ELDER TITAN:

Originally named Tauren Chieftain, renamed again for copyright issues. Not much to say here, except I would hate to face that thing in battle, God. That thing will eat you as a snack. That's right. A god-damn snack. Just look at it.

My personal favourite? The second one. Plain menacing. Would you steal his cookies? No. I don't think you would.

LEGION COMMANDER:

Originally male in the Warcraft III mod, and the only gender change so far in the transition between the two games. This has riled quite a few people up for reasons I don't quite understand. (This game could always do with more women, right?)

Besides, maybe her new ultimate will be making everyone on her team a sandwich! I'd dig that.

SKYWRATH MAGE:

In the first Dota he rode a dragon/bird thing. This is no longer the case as his lore coincides with Vengeful Spirit's (it's also no secret that he has the hots for her.) And they belong to a race of bird people. Which is really kinda neat.

He is totally getting laid by Vengeful Spirit one of these days.

GOBLIN TECHIES:

The techies, everyone from here to Alabama wants these guys in Dota 2 as soon as possible. They're on their way, I'm sure. 

Also, their suicide bombing attack does 1550 damage at max level. Let me say that again. They have a suicide bombing attack that does 1550 damage at max level.

You're already dead.

Okay, I've been saving my very favourite for last.

ABADDON:

Can you just- Can you just look at this motherfucker for just a second. Just look at him.

Do you even know what he is? I don't. But he's bad-to-the-ass.

First off, he's riding a ice-bird-horse-thing, if you haven't ripped out your intestines in pure glorious amazement already then you have no soul.

He probably tamed that thing with that kick-ass sword of his. (which in the original Dota was the Frostmourne. And we all know how awesome that sword is.)

Also, just look at Abaddon himself. He looks just like his ability set, like he really lives off borrowed time and his physical form is fading and his badassery only grows stronger.

Of course, his beta texture files has a face.

Of course, that is the beta texture files, maybe it's changed by now, or will be. And even if it isn't, I'm sure having a face on Abaddon will flesh out his personality more. I have total faith that if Valve are going to do it, Valve are going to do it right.

And if they don't, well. We'll sort that out, won't we?