War of the Betas

A long time ago, there was a beta uprising.

And they won.

They shot up every school, cinema and restaurant for miles.

But that was only the beginning, thousands more rose up all over the globe.

The authorities, our military, they were just no match against the unbridled rage of one who has no gf.

Most people fled underground, but me and my companions went to the desert, thinking they wouldn't follow us there. After all, we were more or less betas ourselves. But we didn't want what they wanted, we wouldn't destroy society because we were hurt by it or whatever. We just wanted to play some goddamn video games. Perhaps in their eyes we were just more Chads and Stacies. We were never certain until the day they attacked.

There were at least 20 of them, easily overpowering our small village. But accompanying them were the infamous Pepebots. Infernal machines built in the likeness of their dark gods. Inside them held numerous spinning, grinding mouths that would eviscerate any man or tendie that stood in their path. Their mighty screams could be heard for miles, a haunting ree that signaled the incoming terror.

The oldest beta approached me, his katana drenched in blood and his fedora decorated with many medals. "Are you the leader of this settlement?"

"Yes." I hesitantly replied.

I was lying.

He slowly reached into his schoolbag, still spattered with gore and pulled out a Yu-Gi-Oh duel deck, passing it to me.

"Then it's your move."

Now I didn't know dick ass shit about Yu-Gi-Oh so I was hella fucked. His fellow betas surrounded me in a tight circle.

Luckily for me, before anything could begin, a sandstorm blew in. I knew this was my chance as the beta scrambled for his cards.

I screamed. "SO I PULL OUT MY GUN" And pulled out my gun.

I shot the beta master once, he dodged immediately. My second shot grazed his fedora and sent it flying into the wind. My third shot hit him right in the knee, he collapsed, writhing in pain. My fourth and final shot, hit him dead centre.

But he had been concealing a suicide vest this whole time. He exploded, leaving a huge crater in the centre of town.

The sandstorm had quelled our commotion, so no one could tell what was going on. When the dust settled and there was only a crater left they were probably thinking we had a sweet anime battle or something.

One of the townspeople ran up to me to see if I was okay. "I'm fine" I insisted. (I was lying, again) But I couldn't say the same for the betas. Only their katanas were left, the ancient Japanese steel was seemingly indestructible.

That's when I noticed something at the bottom of the crater, buried in rubble I saw a rare commodity, forgotten by time.

VIDEO GAMES.

As the rest of the town gathered around me, the Pepebots roared to life, eager to avenge their masters. They forced us into the crater, then slowly came in. Their abyssal mouths at the ready.

But my people were ready to die for a chance to play some vidya, they picked up the katanas and prepared for battle. My kind of people, I thought, as I clutched the katana the beta master once held.

The Pepebots just couldn't handle handcrafted Japanese steel, it would jam their machinery or even slice the teeth right out of them. Defenseless, they were pummeled with rocks and nearby debris until they were completely destroyed.

We rose out of the crater, victorious. This would be it, we could finally play some goddamn vidya.

I got a copy of Spyro 3 for my valiant efforts, which is freakin' sweet because that game is fire, yo.

We played vidya for days, my people were finally happy. Morale was at an all-time high.

Which is when we realized what we were capable of.

We could fight back.

Our town went out in teams in all directions, ready to purge the wicked betas from this land.

As shrines to the mighty kek fell, the betas realized what they feared deep down inside.

We would be the ones to reclaim the world.