War of the Betas

A long time ago, there was a beta uprising.

And they won.

They shot up every school, cinema and restaurant for miles.

But that was only the beginning, thousands more rose up all over the globe.

The authorities, our military, they were just no match against the unbridled rage of one who has no gf.

Most people fled underground, but me and my companions went to the desert, thinking they wouldn't follow us there. After all, we were more or less betas ourselves. But we didn't want what they wanted, we wouldn't destroy society because we were hurt by it or whatever. We just wanted to play some goddamn video games. Perhaps in their eyes we were just more Chads and Stacies. We were never certain until the day they attacked.

There were at least 20 of them, easily overpowering our small village. But accompanying them were the infamous Pepebots. Infernal machines built in the likeness of their dark gods. Inside them held numerous spinning, grinding mouths that would eviscerate any man or tendie that stood in their path. Their mighty screams could be heard for miles, a haunting ree that signaled the incoming terror.

The oldest beta approached me, his katana drenched in blood and his fedora decorated with many medals. "Are you the leader of this settlement?"

"Yes." I hesitantly replied.

I was lying.

He slowly reached into his schoolbag, still spattered with gore and pulled out a Yu-Gi-Oh duel deck, passing it to me.

"Then it's your move."

Now I didn't know dick ass shit about Yu-Gi-Oh so I was hella fucked. His fellow betas surrounded me in a tight circle.

Luckily for me, before anything could begin, a sandstorm blew in. I knew this was my chance as the beta scrambled for his cards.

I screamed. "SO I PULL OUT MY GUN" And pulled out my gun.

I shot the beta master once, he dodged immediately. My second shot grazed his fedora and sent it flying into the wind. My third shot hit him right in the knee, he collapsed, writhing in pain. My fourth and final shot, hit him dead centre.

But he had been concealing a suicide vest this whole time. He exploded, leaving a huge crater in the centre of town.

The sandstorm had quelled our commotion, so no one could tell what was going on. When the dust settled and there was only a crater left they were probably thinking we had a sweet anime battle or something.

One of the townspeople ran up to me to see if I was okay. "I'm fine" I insisted. (I was lying, again) But I couldn't say the same for the betas. Only their katanas were left, the ancient Japanese steel was seemingly indestructible.

That's when I noticed something at the bottom of the crater, buried in rubble I saw a rare commodity, forgotten by time.

VIDEO GAMES.

As the rest of the town gathered around me, the Pepebots roared to life, eager to avenge their masters. They forced us into the crater, then slowly came in. Their abyssal mouths at the ready.

But my people were ready to die for a chance to play some vidya, they picked up the katanas and prepared for battle. My kind of people, I thought, as I clutched the katana the beta master once held.

The Pepebots just couldn't handle handcrafted Japanese steel, it would jam their machinery or even slice the teeth right out of them. Defenseless, they were pummeled with rocks and nearby debris until they were completely destroyed.

We rose out of the crater, victorious. This would be it, we could finally play some goddamn vidya.

I got a copy of Spyro 3 for my valiant efforts, which is freakin' sweet because that game is fire, yo.

We played vidya for days, my people were finally happy. Morale was at an all-time high.

Which is when we realized what we were capable of.

We could fight back.

Our town went out in teams in all directions, ready to purge the wicked betas from this land.

As shrines to the mighty kek fell, the betas realized what they feared deep down inside.

We would be the ones to reclaim the world.

A Complete History of the Ryan Takanashi Series

Time to take a trip down Memery lane and witness the comics that made the Ryan Takanashi series a very sad reality.

Contrary to popular belief, RyanXCaleb was actually the first RT comic ever made, masterfully created on the 16th of December, 2014.

Such intense sexual frustration would never be seen again between these two characters, so it's generally assumed to be non-canon.

This was also the only comic to be recreated in BLISTERING HD exactly four months later.

But Ryan's sexual appetite can't be sated (much like his actual appetite) and not two minutes after fucking Caleb, still clinging on to his back, begging for more, had a go with Brundon.

Missing his trademark top hat and monocle, this is very obviously not canon at all.

Besides, fucking Ryan would be like fucking a beached whale made out of jelly that was also retarded, nevermind the fact that if he went top he would crush your fucking ribcage or him being a bottom bitch would have you engulfed in his fat folds.

I have given this way too much thought.

Not even a minute after that, Thomas got sucked in to Ryan's boyish charm. Nice hair, Thomas.

But of course, Ryan Takanashi really took off after the thrilling trilogy: RyanXSanta

Why did this happen? What is the context behind this riveting tale? Why are all these comics about sex?

I don't know, but one can only assume that Ryan's anal devastation warped him into the twisted, bitter being that he is today. (further analysis in the Ryan Takanashi: Origin Stories, coming never.) As things take a turn for the worst and Ryan gets very, very fat.

Failing to find himself a m'lady at hooters...

...And at a Maid Cafe...

...And even with some random girl he was talking to one night...

He finally manages to get laid with Thomas again.

And so began the #GetTaxToPax campaign, of which there was only one donator.

Then Thomas did a thing.

Tensions begin to escalate between Ryan and Brundon, and people began to lose hope getting to pax with Ryan's constant tantrums.

Ryan starts to get really fucking salty.

Only in-universe did we ever make it to pax, and of course a fight broke out.

This also spawned one of the first and greatest fanfictions by Thomas Rucioch, The Showdown:

It all started on the second day of PAX, the air was thin, the sun was shining a blazing heat causing Ryan Takanashi to sweat uncontrollably. Next to him was his 4 companions Thomas Kun, Lachy the loose cunt, Caleeeeeeeeeeeeb and Brondon from London. Normally Ryan would also be accompanied by his Harem but sadly they were too tired to walk after the amazing sex he gave them the night before. Ryan moved his hanker chief across his face wiping the sweat off of it. Sadly doing this allowed his enemy’s to catch him off guard. Suddenly Jim and his team of Lads Clay, Mackenzi, Steven and Riley appeared only a couple of feet away from him. Every single person at PAX stopped moving and just stared in fear as they knew shit was going down. Jim drank his last bit of beer then crushed the can. Ryan Takanashi knew that strength like that was not to be trifled with. While never averting his gaze from Jim, Ryan slowly unsheathed his part of his katana allowing the sun to reflect of its steel. This gave his companions the signal to prepare for battle. Caleb pulled out his mother fucking nun chucks and swung them around furiously until he accidently hit himself knocking him out. The first casualty of the battle but certainly not the last. Thomas pulled out his phone and started playing nekopara vol 1 mobile edition with his hands in his pants claiming he had an itch on waist. Brandon knew there was only one thing he could do in such a situation. He pulled out his emergency tea kit and thought of how he could make this into a new comic while sipping his tea. “Lets fuck em up bois” Jim shouted as he lead the charge with his lads following right behind him. Knowing that Ryan was the deadliest of the bunch Jim decided to take him out first. As they reached him Ryan fully unsheathed his katana, threw his fedora into the air and moved so fast it was impossible to see what had happened. By the end of it Jim and his lads had somehow run past Ryan. Jim looked around confused at what had happened. It was then he saw the horrible sight that unveiled in front of his. Stevens dead body lied there on the ground with a picture of one of Ryan’s wifu’s drawn on his back with his blood. Jim turned in anger to see Ryan catch his fedora and tip it towards him. It was then that Jim felts something weird move past his feet. It turned out to be a thick river made of dark hair moving towards his allys. Riley didn’t even had time to react and the hair picked him up and started squeezing the life out of him. He tried to break free was knew it was pointless. His eyes follow the hair to its source which happened to be Thomas who was still playing nekopara and not even paying attention to the battlefield. Thomas then looked directly into Riley’s eyes and said “I swear im playing this ironically”. These were the last words Riley would hear as he gave his final gasp and died. Thomas then focused his attention back to nekopara allowing clay to sneak up on his. Clay used his already lit bud to set Thomas’s hair on fire but he didn’t even react. He then lit up in combustion of flames but even has he turned to nothing but ash his eyes never strayed away from nekopara not even once. Clay then pulled out his Gallon milk carton of LSD and took it all at once. He then just kept repeating “all these squares make a circle” until he collapsed and died as a drug overdose. “Lachie mate wanna get fucking smashed tonight” offered Makenzi. “Don’t do it Lachie” pleaded Ryan as Lachlan stood there wondering what choice to make. Eventually he made his decision and replied to Makenzi’s offer saying “fuck yeah cunt just let me call the boys up first”. He reached from his phone and whispered into it so nobody would hear what he said. Suddenly a Ute began approaching with a bunch of Lachlans friends in it. They were clearly intoxicated as fucking dicks cause they let the black friend drive. Apparently he forgot how to break because they didn’t slow down and crashed straight through the PAX arena killing Lachlan, Makenzi and a lot of civilians before eventually crashing into a transformers cosplayer causing their ute to explode in a fiery blaze. This left only Jim and Ryan left cause Brandon wasn’t going to do shit and just stood there still judging everyone calling them CIS scum. “your memes were impressive today Jim, I haven’t had this much fun since cosplaying as Issay at anime-con” “Well sadly for you I don’t play for fun, I play to get good!” Jim then called upon the power of all the champs he owns on his league of legend account infusing it with his own body. Brandon sipped his tea and stared at Jim in disgust judging him for buying champions with real money. “Stop your body can’t take that kind of power” yelled Ryan “that’s what you think Ryan Takanashi but I go to the gym”. Jim then snared ryan with the powers of Lux and morgana Immobilising him for an unreasonably amount of time. Every time the spells would end Jim would already have the ready again thanks to powers of Katarina’s resets. Jim then repeatedly assaulted Ryan with Yasou’s ult while laughing at ryans screams of pain. “This is almost as funny as the time they removed DFG from the game”. Everyone went silent as Brandons tea cup was dropped and broke on the ground. Jim turned towards and furious Brandon. “You triggered me” He yelled as he charged towards Jim raising his fist in the air. Suddenly he stopped right in front of Jim with his first just inches from Jims face. Brandon felt a sharp pain on his stomach but couldn’t bear to look. Jim grabbed his hair and forced him to look as Rivens blade which had pierced right through Brandon’s stomach. Jim pulled his blade back and threw Brandon to the floor “that’s what you get for not playing meta” he laughed as Brandon felt his life beginning to fade away. Jim then saw that a huge glow of light had appeared behind him. “Oh no” he said and he realised he had forgot to keep stunning Ryan again. He turned to see Ryan Floating in the middle of the air in a sailor moon outfit. “I have called upon the powers of all my wifu’s to defeat you Jimmy senpai”. Ryan the put his hands down his pants and pulled out his trump card… the final piece of exodia the forbidden one. “No exodia that’s not possible” Jim yelled as he felt his life points dropping to zero. He then collapsed and asked how this had happened. Ryan stared at Jim, put 2 of his fingers up and said “Ya-Ta”. A blazing light then burned through Jim destroying him. Ryan didn’t have time to celebrate as he ran straight to Brandon was barely alive and lying on the floor. Ryan started to cry as Brandon asked “was it worth it?” “of course it was I got heaps of karma from it” ryan replied. Ryan then closed his eyes and kissed Brandon on the lips as the sun set behind them. When he opened his eyes Brandon was dead. Ryan then stood in front of all of his dead friends and saw a women cowering in fear. He looked directly towards her, tipped his fedora saying “m’lady” and walked off into the distance

Not the first time Lachlan's betrayed us.

After that fiasco, Ryan ddosed me for the first time, properly initiating me into the group.

With the dream of getting the Memesquad to pax dead thanks to Ryan's constant bullshit, RT comic production went into an all-time high, along with Ryan's fat boy fury. This ushered in the very first Triggering, where Ryan actually threatened to report me to the police for cyberbullying. Completely ignoring the constant ddos attacks and verbal abuse he was laying on me just because I made a fat joke.

Nobody took him seriously, of course, and even more comics were made.

 Even our very own Caleb Oldmeme got in on the action.

And Jimeme made one too.

This outraged Ryan, who promptly swore to leave the group forever. History was made, and so were more comics.

He came back four days later.

This marked Lachlan's first official appearance in the comics, only to be eaten by Ryan.

An offshoot timeline was also created where Ryan never returned to the Memesquad.

Now with the Ryan Takanashi series reaching universal acclaim, concepts for the first movie comic started rolling out as early as February 4th, nearly three weeks before Ryan Takanashi: The Movie: The Comic began production.

The movie comic had rave reviews and was widely considered a commercial success and groundbreaking in the realm of movie comics, everybody loved it.

Except Ryan.

Ryan was also planning to ruin the last bastion of hope he couldn't get his grubby hands on, the Xbox One.

This was on the 4th of March by the way, it's nearly been a full year since then and Ryan still doesn't have an Xbone. (Thank god.)

This was the last comic to be made before the release of Ryan Takanashi: The Movie: The Comic 2: The Return of Ryan, which is the greatest Ryan Takanashi comic ever created.

Given it's even greater success than it's predecessor, work began on a visual novel that Ryan immediately tried to ruin.

We never got anywhere with the visual novel though because I am a lazy fuck that never got around to drawing the sprites.

Maybe one day, boys. Maybe one day.

Meanwhile, after taking so much banter and being incapable of dishing it out, Ryan's life spiraled out of control, and he took to drinking.

And just generally getting really pissy.

Then Jim started to defend Ryan, probably because he wanted to play devil's advocate out of pity, or something.

By this point, Ryan has gone almost completely insane and delusional, even developing a split personality: Ron Paul.

Ryan's ddos attacks towards me became more frequent and he even tried to pass them off as lag.

Ryan's stress eating reached an all-time high, just in time for his birthday.

Ryan also revealed himself to be a massive fucking dumbass.

He also started making comics of his own, and they were really shitty.

Ryan continues to get edgier and edgier.

 By this time the Goonsquad showed up and really showed their true colours in another great Triggering where Ryan did nothing but spam k for half an hour.

After such a crushing defeat, Ryan became incredibly salty.

After this, Ryan Takanashi 3: Autism Rising was made, and it was the worst Ryan Takanashi ever made.

Not bad, mind you. Just the worst in comparison, but it's the most important plot-wise and really sets up the sequels.

Then there was the infamous Minecraft triggering, where Ryan went completely insane and threw an earth-shattering tard rage that was felt far and wide.

Ryan's arguments all boiled down to the same thing.

And then the fourth triggering happened, where Jim got sick of all the constant arguing and joined the wrong side and then argued.

Of course that did fuck all and Ryan left the group again.

He returned as a glutton that feasted on misery, with an undying vendetta against Brundon, who never did anything wrong.

After ruining League for everyone, Ryan had another triggering and left the group again.

AND THEN THERE WAS ANOTHER MOVIE COMIC

Ryan Takanashi: The Movie: The Comic 4: The Return of the Revenge of Ryan was seen as a return to form by many, finally resolving the RyanXJim ship, an insanely popular yaoi pairing, even to Ryan himself. But now they could only smoke weed and touch butts in anime heaven.

OR COULD THEY?

There were no comics made between Ryan Takanashi 4 and Ryan Takanashi: The Movie: The Comic 5: Ascension (Which was originally named The Final Level but Thomas came up with the better name.) But there was a concept made for a HD Ryan that of course, never saw the light of day because drawing it required more than minimal effort.

Now with the Ryan Takanashi saga over and Ryan Takanashi: Forever in full swing, the future of the Ryan Takanashi series is...still entirely in my hands, really. But anyone can make an RT comic as long as you don't try to fuck with the canon.

Then there were some more triggerings and ddos attacks.

Then some more stupid shit happened.

 And there it is, every Ryan Takanashi comic, which actually make their own connected story and could probably be considered even better than any movie comic ever made. Fuck.